Fear

That night I sat in a corner and cried. What was I going to do? Pregnant with twins and all alone. I had friends surrounding me. Family was willing to fly and be there. But I wanted my husband. There really wasn't any sleeping done that night. I woke up in tears and anxiety attacks all night. What would my life be like now? I was an embarrassment. Why?

The next morning I didn't feel any better. I had many phone calls, txts and emails awaiting me. The night had been long and lonely. I was glad there was daylight. Maybe it would clear away this nightmare.

I repeated what happened over and over again. It just couldn't be real but it was. Then I got a txt from him. "I'm sorry. I want to come home." Of course I was glad but a big part of me just wasn't sure. How easy for him to say such hurtful things, to ruin what we had for her, and then want to come back. I let it sit. He needed to sweat a bit. Then I made the call.

"I was up all night realizing what a mistake I had made. When I got up this morning I knew I had to change it all. I never thought after I had done you would take me back. That is why I continued the affair as long as I did. I never thought you would forgive me." My reply, "I never thought I would either."

I can't get enough of him. I hate how this tries to rule my life now. The FEAR is always there. Will he leave again? Months have gone by since he first left. He is still with me but he longs for her. He said he always will. He has to miss one of us.